![]() This message goes out to whom ever is considering abortion and is confused and not sure what to do. But I don't feel forgiven, just guilty, and sad, and damned. A Christian friend suggested that I'm putting myself above God, by not forgiving myself when, as I've asked Him for forgiveness, He has most certainly given it. Then I remember that I'm not that important. Sometimes I feel God is punishing me because I threw one away. Almost a year after that I was diagnosed with a depressive illness, which I've been struggling with ever since. A year later I had quit drinking, quit the drugs, gotten sober. My doctor told me after that I probably would have, but we can't know, can we? And that was the bottom of the spiral for me. And all this time I was sick, so sick I thought there might be something wrong, that I would miscarry. I spent my twenty-fifth birthday in an abortion clinic with her, knowing a week later it would be my turn. Ironically, a roommate had gotten pregnant too, and asked if I would go with her to her appointment. Yet I couldn't bear the thought of giving a baby up for adoption although I knew there were women who would give anything to have one. Nothing to offer a baby or support one I was barely supporting myself. I had no savings, no health insurance, no prospects. ![]() I was working two jobs as a waitress living in an apartment with roommates. I had quit school because I couldn't earn enough money to pay tuition and student loans. I wasn't suprised when the blood test came back positive. and so I wasn't really suprised when I missed my period, when I started to be nauseous all the time, when I could keep nothing down, not even plain saltines. But one night I was on Ecstacy with this man, and I said to myself, oh what the hell, I won't get pregnant.but I felt something strange, like something had quickened inside me, and thought with a sinking feeling, oh, great, I've really done it now. ![]() (That's another 'never' I broke, being the other woman.) And I had always been so careful with birth-control. I wasn't a good candidate for motherhood at the time: I drank too much, did illegal drugs, and in the downward spiral I was in, was cheating with a man engaged to be married. ![]() Well, I've heard it said one should never say never because the gods love to make a man (or woman) break a promise. I am the product of an unplanned, out-of-wedlock pregnancy and swore to myself I would never get caught in the same situation my mother had been. I had an abortion when I was 25 years old, and although I felt it was the only choice I had at the time, I still regret it. I am responding to the post "Abortion regret 'lasts for years'". ![]()
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